Workshop offers practical strategies for keeping your cool

Municipal employees regularly contend with moments of frustration — and at times outright hostility — from members of the public. This reality was the focus of a Connect 351 workshop in January, “Keeping Your Cool When the Public Is Losing Theirs,” presented by Cally Ritter of Positive Ripple Training and Consulting and Southborough Assistant Town Administrator Vanessa Hale.

The standing-room-only crowd was a clear sign that cities and towns are grappling with this issue and are committed to finding constructive solutions.

The presenters acknowledged a dynamic unique to municipal work: Residents are often “captive customers.” They cannot take their concerns elsewhere. That reality can intensify frustration and, at times, result in aggressive or abusive behavior.

Why emotions escalate
Ritter rooted the discussion in emotional intelligence — the combination of self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills that shapes how we manage ourselves and relate to others. She began with a key insight: emotions are contagious. Humans are wired with “mirroring neurons,” which cause us to unconsciously reflect the emotional states of those around us. When a constituent arrives angry or distressed, that energy can escalate an interaction if it is mirrored rather than managed.

Emotional regulation, Ritter emphasized, is not a personality trait but a skill that can be learned and strengthened over time. Self-awareness allows employees to recognize their own rising frustration; self-regulation helps them steady their response. Adjusting tone, pace, posture, or word choice can materially affect how an interaction unfolds, often setting the tone for a more constructive exchange.

Listen, then fix
A recurring theme was the importance of deep listening. Even experienced professionals make assumptions. Ritter encouraged participants to slow down, resist interrupting, and avoid jumping prematurely into problem-solving mode.

Empathy was described as central to effective public service. Ritter distinguished between emotional empathy (understanding how someone feels) and cognitive empathy (understanding why they feel that way), noting that compassion is putting empathy and sympathy into action.

She said tensions can be significantly reduced by signaling presence and respect with questions such as, “What can I do for you in this moment?” or statements such as, “You might be right,” or, “Here’s how I’ve been able to help others.”

Ritter also shared the CLARA strategy — Calm, Listen, Acknowledge, Respond, Assess — as a practical tool for navigating tense interactions. By starting with self-regulation and moving deliberately through listening and acknowledgment before responding, staff can shift conversations from reactive to constructive and determine appropriate next steps.

Elevation is not failure
Ritter noted that elevating a difficult situation to a manager or colleague is not a failure. In many cases, elevation reassures constituents that their concerns are being taken seriously, and allows frontline staff to reset emotionally.

Municipalities should ensure that senior staff are accessible when needed and that employees feel supported in asking for help. Ritter and Donovan discussed the importance of alerting colleagues when tense situations arise and checking in afterward. The default, Ritter suggested, should be to step in and support one another — not to avoid confrontation.

Setting boundaries
The session addressed how to end abusive interactions safely and professionally. Clear, calm boundary-setting is essential, Ritter said. Strategies include stating expectations for respectful communication, using structured responses, and disengaging when necessary.

Practical tools include developing codes of conduct, ensuring panic buttons are available where appropriate, and documenting unusual encounters.

While civility can be encouraged, it cannot be required — a principle affirmed by the U.S. Supreme Court in cases involving First Amendment audits. Attorney Lauren Goldberg of KP Law offered guidance in a 2023 MMA training session, emphasizing that staff should remain calm, continue conducting business as usual, and avoid engaging in on-the-spot constitutional debates. Employees should focus on observable disruptive behavior, apply policies consistently, and ensure they understand they are supported — reinforcing both professionalism and public confidence.

Trust experience
Ritter reminded attendees that intuition improves with experience. Over time, the brain gathers data and recognizes patterns more efficiently. Listening to that instinct and acting on it is part of professional wisdom.

For individuals who frequently visit municipal offices with lengthy or repetitive complaints, Ritter and Donovan recommended setting respectful time limits early, summarizing concerns, clarifying what the individual hopes will happen next, and addressing priorities first. Structure, Ritter noted, reduces frustration on both sides.

Shared responsibility
The workshop emphasized that empathy is foundational to public service. Communities function because people show up for one another, even when interactions are difficult. By strengthening emotional regulation, social awareness, and supportive workplace culture, municipal employees can protect themselves while fostering safer, more constructive public spaces.

Written by Joyce McMahon