At WLG meeting, women discover who they are as leaders

With a serene backdrop, a couple hours of self-reflection, and some paper plates, women municipal leaders from around the state explored their leadership strengths and challenges during a Women Leading Government meeting on June 25 at UMass Amherst.

In an interactive workshop, executive coach Allison Iantosca said effective leaders understand who they are as people, which broadens their opportunities for change. She urged women not to fixate on what they might believe to be their shortcomings; true growth happens when leaders examine their intrinsic qualities, the way they think those qualities are perceived externally, and the reality of how others actually regard them.

“Instead of beginning with what we lack, let’s begin with what we already carry,” Iantosca said. “So much of what we do, often without thinking, is genuinely good.”

Iantosca, who is president and owner of F.H. Perry Builder and author of the book “Leading With HEART,” discussed building stronger leadership by building stronger people. For these purposes, she defined leadership more broadly as a person’s presence, beyond job title or their number of direct reports.

“When I say leadership, [it’s] not like your boss or your select board,” Iantosca said. “What I’m saying is leadership in general. What is being called upon in you to be a leader, to be an influencer, to be a person who has two feet on the ground?”

Developing that self-awareness, Iantosca said, requires people to embrace the contradictions within themselves — maybe personality traits that appear to be at odds, or the fact that some qualities can serve them well in some situations but not in others. Often, people limit themselves to either/or terms, she said.

“We create a false polarity — I am either this, or I am that, with an unspoken conclusion that I cannot be both, and judgment quickly follows,” she said. “This way is good, that way is bad. I am bad for wanting this, or weak for being like that.”

To contrast how people view themselves versus how others see them, Iantosca asked the women leaders to write on paper plates — on one side, listing the intrinsic qualities that shape them, and on the other, describing how they believe others perceive them. Then the leaders met in small groups to discuss their lists, ask about each other’s plates, and pass the plates around so participants could write down what they see in each other.

Iantosca said the exercise aims to give people more insight into how they show up in the world.

“So, the way to start to do that is to support you in developing some awareness about who you are,” Iantosca said. “So none of this work is to evaluate or judge, or even to try and fix. I know it’s a constant battle.”

For those who question whether their positive personality traits also hold them back, Iantosca suggested sharing those dual-outcome strengths more strategically.

“It’s that personality part on the inside of a plate — I can’t take that away from you, no matter how hard I try, right?” Iantosca said. “So, how do we learn how to value that, and know in what situations to use it?”